Hairy Ticks of Dune

There's only room enough in this stillsuit for one of us! ... Wait, come back!

Sunday, May 13, 2007

Psssst! It's "Hoary" not "Hairy".

My other (thus far underutilized) blog, I mean.

It's "Hoary Tales of Dune", not "Hairy Tales of Dune".

NOT that the latter wouldn't work as well....

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Anonymous Anonymous said...

The Litany rewritten for the KJA/BH books: here.

10:26 AM, May 15, 2007 
Blogger SandChigger said...

Thanks, Anon! That was pretty funny. :)

7:34 PM, May 15, 2007 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

That was funny.

You know, one day I had a wild hair up my little gray butt, and decided I would go to Hoary Tales of Dune and post something for fun--only to find out you have to have a blogger username and password :( I suppose I could have taken the time to sign up for one; but then I figured I would probably never use it so I gave up.......

6:58 AM, May 16, 2007 
Blogger SandChigger said...

Mastah B!

Sorry about that. There's a "submissions" post where non-Bloggerers(?) can submit via comments and I'll repost under your name, though...? :)

2:43 PM, May 16, 2007 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hello, again.

Sorry about the other day; I got called out of town on a family emergency.

Now, about how Sandworms ends: happily, with most of the cast living, ever after.

You're going to be very unhappy if I tell you more.

Sure you want to know?

1:17 AM, May 17, 2007 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

OK Chig, you convinced me :) I posted a little excerpt--see what you think. I can continue more later if you find it interesting :)

7:43 AM, May 17, 2007 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I do arcangel. Quit jerking us around and give us the goods!!!!

7:43 AM, May 17, 2007 
Blogger SandChigger said...

Mastah B - got it; will repost it right away!

Arcangel - "They lived happily ever after." Well...yeah. Or they didn't and everybody died. Only two possibilities, A or B, pick one. You've got a 50% chance of being right.

Not really telling us anything, ya know? Like Mastah B says, it's time ta bring da goods. Put up or shut up.

10:11 AM, May 17, 2007 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Just an addition to my comment above. I am quite serious, I have every reason to believe this book will suck as bad as the others, so why not know what's going to happen? I mean, I really don't care to be unpleasantly surprised--there isn't much fun in that anyway. So spill the beans! Sh*t or get off the pot! Cough up the goods! etc. etc.

10:12 AM, May 17, 2007 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

OK...just remember, you asked for it.

Let's start with one of Chigger's favorite topics: waterworms.

They're actually called "seaworms" and the cover artwork does indeed show an incident in the book. They are "advanced worms" developed by the Waff ghola with resources provided by the renegade navigator Edric (who is later done in by the Guild administrators, by the way).

It eventually becomes evident why the authors are insisting that the worms produce spice internally: the seaworms have an organ which produces a super-concentrated form of melange called "ultraspice".

The seaworms are released on Buzzell, where they thrive thanks to a ready food source: cholisters and Phibians.

While on the subject of worms: the original sandworms of Dune are not dead. Thanks to the prescience of the "pearls of Leto II's awareness" in each, they sense the approach of the Honored Matres and burrow down deep and enter a cyst hibernation state that allows them to survive the Obliterators.

The worms on the no-ship are released on Synchrony, Omnius' new home world, and wreak havok. The Leto II ghola finally walks into the mouth of the largest—called Monarch—and reunites with the "pearls of awareness".

What else would you like to know?

7:47 PM, May 17, 2007 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Uh, wow. I asked for it and I got it. I think I almost believe you even; sounds so like them.

OK, which gholas have their memories awakened? What role does Scytale play? What happens with the face dancer myriad?

5:52 AM, May 18, 2007 
Blogger SandChigger said...


Makes you wonder, doesn't it?

The part about the worms making spice internally solves the problem of how spice would be produced in an aquatic environment.

It has the feeling of something they would do.

9:13 AM, May 18, 2007 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

OK, which gholas have their memories awakened? What role does Scytale play? What happens with the face dancer myriad?

All except the Alia one; she is killed by the Baron. (But he gets his from Yueh.)

And the Thufir ghola: he died with the Rabbi on the Handler planet.

Scytale (the ghola) outs the Rabbi face dancer with a special whistle device. He survives to the end and begins creating a new, more enlightened Tleilaxu race (including segretated but non-tank females).

Erasmus kills all the face dancers galaxy-wide with a special virus he built into them as a failsafe.

Anything else?

8:59 PM, May 18, 2007 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

My goodness. Well, I'm excited to hear of the return of the Tleilaxu! I'm still pissed about the whole Marty and Daniel thing. Not surprised by the end of the face dancers via the disease. Just about everyone suspected FDs had infiltrated the Ithaca after the encounter with the Handlers--and I'm not suprised that Thufir and the Rabbi were the once replaced. Why does Scytale need a "whistling device"--why can't he use his freaking mouth like every other Master? And why the hell doesn't he try to whistle at Duncan? (I assume he doesn't?)

So, I guess this really leaves only one question left to answer--who is THE Kwisatz Haderach that everyone is so hard-up for on the Ithaca?

6:08 AM, May 19, 2007 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

My wife walked in this morning as I was reading your posts arcangel, and she stopped and said "What are you doing?". I told her I was reading spoilers given my someone online for the upcoming book. She said "You have a strange look on your face; not the usual Dune geek look you have when you are doing this junk. You hate those new dune books anyway, so who care.." I said " You know, I kind of feel like the first time as a young boy that you steal one of your Dad's Playboys and sneak off into the bathroom for some 'private business'; you know there is nothing really wrong with it--yet you just feel guilty." Just thought I would share that.... :)

6:19 AM, May 19, 2007 
Blogger SandChigger said...

Gee, thanks for sharing, Mastah B. :)

Dear, dear, what to think about all this?

Right. Well, "ARCangel", in addition to Master B's question about the KH, how about Omnius and Erasmus? What happens to them? How do the humans win the war so that everybody can, as you first put it, "live happily ever after"?

7:30 AM, May 19, 2007 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ultraspice? Ultraspice?!? Ultraspice?!? *bangs head on keyboardciqwefik9y7ujht6* By Dur I hope they don't call it that in the final release!

10:17 AM, June 01, 2007 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

It just occurred to me. If Dune 7 by FH were coming out in August, how many of us would want to read spoilers? I know I wouldn't. Sad, really.

8:53 AM, June 06, 2007 
Blogger SandChigger said...

You're probably right. And, yes, it is sad. :(

From now on I'm going to encourage people to read it. That way at least they can't accuse me of trying to hurt their sales.

The more people who read, the more will recognize just how bad the books are (hopefully) and come to realize that we haven't been complaining simply to complain.

1:15 AM, June 07, 2007 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

That's noble Chig, but if it were me, I wouldn't really care. I mean, frankly, I would like to see their sales hurt. Maybe KJA will wake up and see he isn't the second coming of the sci fi Messiah.

10:22 AM, June 08, 2007 

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